From the Onion:

Onion Apple iPhone Apple is set to release the much-hyped iPhone Friday, June 29. Here are some of its most highly anticipated features:

  • Nanotechnology enables it to reassemble itself when thrown against wall
  • Exclusive link to Google Street View so you can watch yourself using your iPhone at all times
  • Takes Polaroids
  • When moved from hand to ear, makes Lightsaber sound effects
  • Prominent Apple logo
  • Reproduces through asexual budding
  • Has way, way more PRAM than the last thingy
  • Comes with an iPhone hat, so people know you own an iPhone during the brief periods you’re not using it

Published by Sung